Remembering My Grandmother Marie

As many already know, my grandmother, Marie, died on Monday after a brief battle with cancer. My dad called on Saturday before I left for the young adult work trip to tell me that she had just been diagnosed with lung cancer. He told me that they were still looking at options and that he'd keep me posted while I was away. He called on Tuesday to tell me she had been admitted to the hospital and on Friday to say that she had entered hospice care.

While I was on the mission trip, I chose not to process all that I was feeling. For good or bad, I'm not really sure why I did that but I did. When I returned home on Saturday afternoon, I jumped in my car and drove to Taylorsville, Kentucky, to my grandmother's home. I am thankful to have had that opportunity. She was not really responsive and I could tell that even after a fresh dose of morphine her pain was still significant. But I got to say goodbye and thank you and to tell her that I loved her.

One of my earliest childhood memories comes from about age 4. I stood up in wagon, convinced my brother Kevin to pull it along the sidewalk and then promptly went out the back and cracked my head open. I cut an artery in my head as my mother tells the story. My mother didn't drive at the time, my father was not at home and my grandmother came to the house on an International tractor, probably with a bushhog (sp?) attached, to watch my brothers as my mother and I went to the hospital in the local ambulance - a hearse that did double duty. Then there was the time I went through a storm door back before they were made of plexi-glass. I had little cuts all over my chest and back. She covered them in tincture of iodine or something like that. Wow, did that ever sting! I got my taste for sweet tea from the week-long summer visits as well as my love of gravy and biscuits that I remember having every morning. Traci commented after the funeral service yesterday that she hadn't realized how central to our early childhood our time there had been for my brothers and I. They are wonderful memories that I hold in my heart.

As I drove home Saturday evening after my quick visit, I began processing the grief that I had kept away during the mission trip. In the midst of the silence, I began opening up and seeing what was there. It was in the midst of that exercise that I discovered God was reaching in and touching that pain and sense of loss and helping me to see that it would be okay for my grandmother's pain to end.

WRapping Up the Week

That's Kyle H. at the end of the roof ridge as he nails in the final cap nails on the tar paper and helps Matt, our new friend, finish off covering the new porch. Friday was a great day on the weather front- the weather was wonderful with temps in the low 80s, low humidity, and a few sprinkles at just the right moments. It was a great day work wise as well. We finished putting down the roof decking, put on the ice guard strip along the edges of the roof, and put down tar paper. I think I can speak for the group in saying that we are very pleased with what we physically accomplished this week.

We concluded our time at the work site with a short worship service. We shared our hopes for the family that will move into this house - decent housing, safety, joy, happiness, an understanding of generosity, a home. We closed by sharing communion using the elements that sustained us through the week, a sandwich bun and Gatorade.

We plan to leave in a couple of hours after loading up the van and breakfast. We're all ready to come home but we also celebrate and give thanks for this week together.

Moving Along

I have no pictures to post because about 2:30 yesterday the sky opened up and it rained, and it rained, and then it rained some more. We spent the morning rearranging storage at the Habitat office and then headed out to the work site. We put another course of roof decking on, set the trusses on the porch, and put up the overhang boxes on the front of the house. We got a lot done on Thursday and the rain turned out to be a nice point to stop for the day. It was hot and humid and we were all spent. On Wednesday we went into Pittsburgh and visited a water park for our day off. A good time was had by all.

On Wednesday evening, we began a conversation with the young adults about leadership and how they can take on roles of leadership. Specifically, we were speaking of this mission trip but the implications are more far reaching. As we talked, some of them started counting how many mission trips they had participated in - 7, 5, 12,... These folks know how to do this. So we talked about them beginning to take over the leadership of this trip - how to do that, how to encourage others to participate, coordinating sites, as well as many other aspects of the trip.

We finished the night off continuing our game of chicken foot. We picked it up again last night during the rain. Christian A. came out on top after edging ahead of Robin H. with 3 rounds to go.

In a little while we'll head to the work site and hopefully finish putting on the roof decking. I look forward to seeing the progress that far along.

Lots of Progress

We awoke to 96% humidity here in Washington, PA. Isn't at 100% that it is raining? We quickly adapted though and started getting trusses up. By lunch we had the trusses up and after lunch we started putting down the roof decking. You can see in the picture the 2 courses of sheeting we put down. It is challenging to get the OSB up onto the roof because of the slope of the hill and the "moat" around the foundation of the house. But we managed to do so without any incidents.

We accomplished a lot and our bodies felt the amount of work that we did. After a hearty meal and a spirited game of chicken foot, we were feeling better. Today, we have the day off and plan to head towards Pittsburgh and a water park. The young adults have all worked hard and have been a delight to get to know at even deeper levels.

First Day of Work

We started our day off with a visit to the Habitat office but we were quickly moving off to our first work site. Matt, the volunteer construction coordinator, took us to a completed house to complete a couple of punch-list items - forming a sidewalk and putting down a gravel bed in another sidewalk form and the removal of a stump. Flashbacks to Puente Azul. It was the pickax, shovel and wheelbarrow for the next couple of hours. Robin H. quickly observed that someone should have recognized that that stump would need to go sooner. They could have just quickly have removed it when they were digging the footers. Great point Robin. So often we don't look just a little further and consider what else we could do to make tomorrow a little better. Nevertheless, we tackled it and we were quickly soaked through with sweat. The next stop was a similar situation that called for us to form two more sidewalks including digging out the path for each.

By mid-afternoon, we were on site of a house and began to carry in the trusses. We got the two end trusses up and several others ready to put in place first thing in the morning. Here are some pictures of the new construction site.

Just Found Some Pictures from LA

I found these pictures this morning as I was preparing for the day on the Habitat site. This is the nature of what we saw in Louisiana of the damage caused by Hurricane Rita.

Now, I'm in Washington, PA

The last time I posted, I was with a group of Chi Rho youth (junior high) in Lake Charles, Louisiana, and we were doing hurricane recovery work. The opportunity to get online at that work site was difficult and the only reason I was able to do so then was because Becky's Blackberry let me access the internet. Take care of necessities like laundry, groceries, and sermon prep, I've had little time to do other writing. I have traveled many miles since then - church camp, a quick trip to Tennessee, and General Assembly in Fort Worth. I arrived last night in Washington, Pennsylvania, along with 7 other faithful travelers to participate in a Habitat for Humanity project.

I have to say that I was not looking forward to getting back in the car or the van for that matter. But it was a relatively easy drive and the company was good. We drove all afternoon in the mist and fog, arrived, got our bellies full, and stocked up for Monday's meals. We concluded the day with a short time of worship using Lectio Divina and 1 Kings 19:11-13 - Elijah's encounter with God in the utter, sheer silence. We explored our expectations for the week, our thoughts about where we might encounter God, and why we were here.

I'm here because I think such experiences open us up more fully to the possibility of God's transforming work. Elijah was running from the prophets of Baal as well as the wrath of Jezebel and Ahab. He went into the wilderness to hide and encountered God. I'm here because it is holy and sacred time and space and company. God will move among us this week in unexpected ways and will come to us in unexpected places. We sometimes get trapped in the day-to-day mundaneness in which we let our calendars and our to-do lists close us off from God. Those are stripped away here and we are reminded that God is moving in the world and even in the midst of the mundane.

I've got access here so I'll post as I'm able and will include pictures if I can.

In Lake Charles

It is Wednesday and we just finished our third day of work. Internet access is limited here at the mission station so this is just a quick update to say that I'll post some stuff after I get home. But I do want to offer a little bit of an update.

We've made great progress at our work site. We've demolished a room, closed in the opening, painted ceilings and a couple of rooms with 2 more to go. We're kind of puny today. Two of the kids are sick with a stomach flu that is making its way around Lake Charles. We'll be back up to full strength tomorrow we hope.

It has been a great trip and has included a lot of interesting stories, sites, and experiences. More to come later.

I have posted in the last month because of the schedule at home and church. I've got more on that later too.

Getting on the road

We leave in a few minutes for Lake Charles, Louisiana, and our Chi Rho Mission Trip. It has been a busy summer so far with no opportunity to update the blog. If I have the opportunity, I'll post some pictures and commentary from Lake Charles. We are going as a part of the Disciples Hurricane Recovery Initiative.

Decisions, Decisions...

I've been thinking about discernment and decision making lately, as an individual and as a group process. Sometimes such reflection is local and sometimes it is global. Right now, I'm still at the global stage. In my reading today, I came across this comment from Luke Timothy Johnson in his book, Scripture & Discernment: Decision Making in the Church,

Groups have a fragile hold on their existence. They depend on the commitment of their members to the way things are done, and the reasons for so doing them (14)

Here, "group" means church.

I am struck by this assessment of group integrity. It suggests that we spin on 2 poles, both necessary for group cohesion. I would have to think that the latter of Johnson's poles is the start of group existence but the former is the more tenacious of the two. I wonder what happens when we forget how things are done? What happens when we change how things are done? Do we know the reasons we do the things we do? What does it mean to keep doing these things if we have forgotten why we do them?

A number of assessments of today's church suggest that we (the church universal, or at least the western version) have forgotten the reasons for doing what we do. But we keep doing them the way they always have been done. If they are right, then we hang on to doing things the way we have always done them because we have lost one of the poles that balances group integrity. That leaves us teetering on a dangerous precipice.

So how do we step away from the precipice? Or better yet, how do we discover again the poles upon which we can balance our life together?

words

The words we use describe and in turn define the reality in which we live.

They can build or destroy. They can take apart and put back together. How we use words matters. Perhaps for me as a part of the Judeo-Christian tradition, such an idea comes with the territory. The book of words we call sacred in this tradition begins with God creating using nothing more than words - a call to come into being. All of the rest of the words may be heard as a continuation of that initial call. God speaks and Abram and Sarai take off for a new land; Moses hears words coming from a burning bush; Isaiah sings a song of the wolf laying down with the lamb; a wild man speaks of a messiah coming; Paul argues there is no longer Jew or Greek.

Words keep circling within me, trying to come together, to make sense, to describe what I see, make sense and define the reality in which I live...

Coming Alive

The shadows are brisk from the giant trees that temper the sunlight. Throughout them the ground is coming alive. Some of the life grows beyond itself it seems, lapping up the dampness of the air and the earth. Other comes more timidly, hiding one under the other. It is easily overlooked. I missed it the first time through. Maybe that is just what happens when we are swirling from all of the clutter that fills us up. Or maybe it wasn't there.

Ah, but the time after... it leapt out at me, begging my focus to turn its way, inviting me to see life springing forth in ever new ways. It is difficult at times to take everything in and to see all that is coming alive around me. It looked fragile peeking out from under the life around it.

That's how it is with life springing forth in us. It grows up out of the cracks in us, behind other parts of life, sometimes going unnoticed. But when we do, oh how it grows and spreads.

The Value of Silence

Fr. Thomas Keating says something to the effect that centering prayer is a means of evacuating the psyche just as the intestines are the means of evacuating the body. In practicing centering prayer, we enter into silence so that we can begin to listen. It is my experience at that point the evacuation of the psyche begins.

My daughter suggests this is no "pretty picture" of silence and that I should find another way to describe this form of prayer to others. She's right about the nature of the picture that can follow upon the silence; it isn't always a pretty picture. There can be much in our psyches that is ugly, painful, or difficult to face. But the alternative is even less of a "pretty picture" because the longer we keep the mess locked up deep inside us the more messy it gets. But when the silence comes, then we can process the mess and see more clearly the path that leads deeper into the Holy.

Sinking Into Life

I walked among ancient rocks and aged trees. The information signs said that this place was as it was when the last ice age ended. The place itself formed by the creeping glacier, reshaping the ground and dumping remains of other places in its wake.

It was cool in this crevice of the earth - like a cool cloth placed on a fevered forehead. The green was alive to me as if I had never seen such life before. I just wanted to stay and sink down into its life. Lichens now reshape this place - perhaps as slowly as the glaciers. Water too, running slowly over the rocks taking imperceptible boulders along with it. Other times, colder moments when the water is present but cannot move, the water will move a mountain or at least it will break off a piece of mountain. Changes come slowly to our perception.

Sinking into such a place is like sinking into God and the changes that come with a life lived in God.

The Heart of the Matter - More from My Retreat

As I walked into the stillness of creation, I came upon the heart of God pouring itself out to quench the thirst of a dry and parched creature.

It was such a striking image in the midst of this retreat. I wish I had actually had something besides 800 speed film for my SLR camera. Only by accident did I even have it with me.